SINGLE PARENTING

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Some fathers are alone in the care of their children. It can present a challenge to have the full weight of child-rearing, managing a household and family alone. The father can feel overwhelmed and inadequate. He and the children are often undergoing grief because of the loss of his spouse. Some suggestions for these fathers are:

One of the greatest problems single mothers face is that of guilt. The guilt can be broad-based—guilt about having married the wrong man, having failed in the marriage, depriving the child of two full-time parents and a “white picket fence” lifestyle, not spending sufficient time with the child and not meeting all the child’s emotional needs.

When a single mother’s guilt gets out-of-hand, it can impair her parenting skills. She may fear losing the love of her child, just as she lost her husband’s love. This fear can contribute to overindulgence, or to inconsistency in enforcing standards in the home. An example is the mother who says, “It’s hard to say ‘no’ to Billie. I feel guilty for spending too little time with him. When we are together, I don’t want arguments, so I give in to his wishes. Then I feel guilty about spoiling him.”

The single mother may also feel guilt about the breakup of her marriage, and give herself totally to her children—unrealistically trying to fulfill all parenting responsibilities single-handedly. She may forego a social life of her own and cut herself off from important sources of emotional and practical support.

To get past the barriers of guilt, the single mother can follow some of the following suggestions:

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