OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY

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You may have met people like Paul in your job, family or among acquaintances. Or you may recognize these traits in yourself. Paul had what we call an obsessive-compulsive personality, a personality characterized by a chronic preoccupation with rules, orderliness, perfection and control. Among people with obsessive-compulsive personalities, getting things correct and avoiding the possibility of making an error is of paramount importance. They usually maintain a rigid “ownership of the truth”. Their way of seeing, believing and doing things is correct, and all other options are wrong. 

All of us must make decisions in life. We typically prioritize them; some are very important and others are minor. However, with the obsessive-compulsive personality, almost all decisions take on the same vital importance; there is little prioritizing. Being correct is imperative. As a result, making just a simple choice such as selecting a pair of socks to match one’s jacket can become a nightmare. This indecisiveness impacts all aspects of life—including important ones such as selecting a career, finding a life partner, etc.

Being in control is of great importance to people with obsessive-compulsive personalities. They find it difficult to deal with emotions which are typically spontaneous and highly subject to change. There is a concerted effort to control affection, joy, sorrow, etc. and not let them get out of control. Yet, one emotion exists in abundance—anger. Efforts to repress it are often not successful, and it tends to come out in excess.

Outsiders rarely see it, but people with an obsessive-compulsive personality experience a great deal of inner turmoil. They inflict pressure not only on family and associates with their demanding ways, but they also place demands on themselves to be perfect—which, of course, none of us are. The obsessive-compulsive person tends to see people and situations as good or bad, and not be able to recognize gradations between the two extremes.

People with obsessive-compulsive personalities develop behavior patterns to help them deal with their overwhelming need to control situations. Some of these are:

There is typically a checking and re-checking of completed tasks to be sure there are no imperfections.

There can be an excessive saving or collecting of items (often thought of as “junk” by others). People with obsessive-compulsive personalities rationalize the saving saying they may need these items sometime in the future, that they will “come in handy” when they get to one or more of the endless items on their “to do” lists.

All of us like to see some degree of neatness and order in drawers, closets, cabinets, etc. The person with an obsessive-compulsive personality can take this neatness and order to an extreme, with everything aligned in an exact “correct” location or position.

People with an obsessive-compulsive personality tend to be adamant that “I am right, and you are wrong.” They are closed to other opinions and ideas.

The rigid standards of people with this personality make healthy relationships difficult, especially in marital or family situations. Ideology comes before love and loyalty. The house must be run “like a tight ship” - children in line at all times, yard and house neat and orderly, etc.

Moral righteousness as a dogmatic necessity is not uncommon among people with an obsessive-compulsive personality.

Treatment is difficult for people with obsessive-compulsive personalities, for they often think they know everything and are right no matter what others say. When people do seek help, it is often because family members and acquaintances have reached a breaking point in dealing with them and insist upon it if the relationship is to continue. For those who accept help, counseling and medication are typically used.

However, family members and close associates of the person with an obsessive-compulsive personality need help themselves. They need to know how to act and react to this person in their lives.

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