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Loneliness is a fee ling all of us have had at one
time or another. It does not necessarily mean being alone. For
example, you can feel lonely when you are at a ball game with hundreds
of screaming spectators, at a party when surrounded by music, laughter
and people. You may even feel lonely at family gatherings with people
you have known for
a long time.
Loneliness is a painful awareness that you are not
feeling connected to others and important needs are not being met.
Loneliness means some or all of the following:
 | You feel excluded from a group
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| Unloved by those around you
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| Alienated from your surroundings
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| There is no one with whom to share your personal
concerns and experiences
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| You are alone and you have no other choice. You
find it difficult to make friends and go beyond acquaintances and make
close friends.
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If you are lonely you may also find yourself
engaged in negative behaviors that help perpetuate the loneliness.
| Low self-esteem
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| Falsely assuming others do not like you
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| You make no attempt to get involved in social
activities
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| You are self-conscious and worry unnecessarily
about being evaluated by others
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| You have difficulty in being assertive in a
positive way
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| You avoid meeting people and getting involved in
new situations
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| You perceive yourself in a negative way and you
are overly critical of your appearance
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| You feel isolated, alone and unhappy. |
Overcoming Loneliness
You can overcome feelings of loneliness, but it
depends on YOU! Only you can build your self-esteem and learn to feel
good about yourself. If you are lonely, do something about it:
Remind Yourself that Loneliness Will Not Last Forever.
Look for Ways to Get Involved with People.
| Strike up a conversation with a co-worker at
lunch, or while walking near his/her workplace. Make it a point to
greet your neighbors each time you see them. When waiting to buy a
movie ticket, or standing at the check-out line in the grocery store,
smile and greet others waiting with you.
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| Put yourself in situations and activities where
you will meet new people. Join a health club, a church, charitable or
civic group, etc. Be sure you join groups that are engaged in
activities that interest you. In doing so you will be more likely to
find the kind of people you are interested in meeting.
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| Work at developing your social skills. Practice
getting to know others and letting them know you.
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| Don’t’ judge new people on the basis of past
relationships. Try to see each individual you meet from a new
perspective.
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| Intimate friendships usually develop gradually
as people learn to share their inner feelings. Avoid rushing into
intimate friendships by sharing too quickly, or expecting that others
will. Let the process develop naturally.
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| Value all friendships and their unique
characteristics rather than believing only a romantic relationship
will relieve your feelings of loneliness. |
Develop Yourself
Think of yourself as a total person, and don’t
neglect other needs because friendship needs are not being met.
| Follow habits of good nutrition and exercise.
Don’t neglect hobbies and other interests.
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| Use your time alone to get to know and enjoy
yourself. Think of it as an opportunity to develop independence.
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| Keep things around you – books, decorations,
photos, etc. – that you can use to enjoy your time alone. Explore the
possibility of doing things alone that you usually do with other
people – e.,g., going to the movies.
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| Don’t decide in advance how you are going to
enjoy an activity. Keep an open mind |
Don’t define yourself as a lonely person. No matter how bad you feel,
loneliness will diminish or even disappear when you focus your attention
and energy on needs you can currently meet, and when you develop new
ways to meet your needs.
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