GRIEF AND SADNESS

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Grief is a word that is often misunderstood.  Some people think it is sadness and mourning following  the death of a loved one.  Yes, grief is that, but it is much more.

 The word grief in its broader sense describes how we human beings respond to many different kinds of actual or pending changes and losses in our lives. It  is our reaction not only to the death of a loved one but also to a separation or divorce, to the loss of a job, health, friends, a loved home, a move to a new community, school or country.  Even happy life events involve grief.  For example, look at high school seniors as they near graduation  or at a young couple as they approach their wedding day.  Graduations and weddings are joyous events, but mingled with the happiness is sadness as people face change or separation from long familiar family interactions, friends, lifestyles and surroundings and move into things unknown and previously not experienced. 

 The response of grief has many facets -  emotional, physical, spiritual and social.  And when the change or loss is a major one, the many facets of grief often combine and are overwhelming. 

 GRIEVING – A DIFFICULT BUT NECESSARY PROCESS

 We would all like to move through life never experiencing emotional pain.  Unfortunately, that is not possible.  Grief  can be a very painful experience.  Yet, it has a purpose.  When a person acknowledges his or her grief and works through it, the process helps him accept change and move on, reorganize and re-establish his life.  

 Remember that grief is a process, a journey.   It means experiencing the initial shock of the change or loss.  Sometimes people react initially with denial and anger – “Why is this happening to me?”  “Someone made a mistake!   It can’t be – not me!”     In time, denial can give way to bargaining with God or another higher power for restoration of health, a marriage or relationship, to make things as “they used to be”.   As the individual gradually accepts the loss or change, there is a slipping into depression.  The person  may withdraw from others, become exceptionally quiet and melancholy as he feels spiritually and emotionally distant from family and friends.  Finally, there is acceptance of the loss or change.  The individual is at last ready to move on and re-organize his or her life in face of new realities. 

 Throughout the emotional upheaval of the grieving process, there are other physical and social symptoms as well – headaches, weariness, gastric and bowel upsets,  insomnia, hostility, inability to do business as usual, feelings of  guilt, etc.  

 How long does it take to move through grief?  The time varies, depending on the person who is experiencing the grief and the nature of the situation which gave rise to the grief.  It is different in each case.  The important thing to remember is – do not rush the grieving process.  Let it happen.  Do not suppress emotions.  Let grieving move at its own pace and take its own time – whatever the length of time it may be.  

You will know you are rising out of grief when you begin to accept the new realities of your life and even enjoy some of their implications.  The memories of your past will never completely leave you.  They will be integrated into your new reality in a unique and special way.  You are able to let go of emotional investments and reinvest in new ways of living.

 SUGGESTIONS FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF PEOPLE IN GRIEF

 If you are trying to help a family member or friend move through the grieving process, here are some suggestions: 

 Do NOT: 

 SUGGESTIONS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE THEMSELVES  EXPERIENCING GRIEF

 If you yourself are moving through grief in your own life, here are some suggestions: 

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