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Domestic violence is a topic covered by TV and news reports each day.
Although there are men abused by women, statistics show that women are
most often the victims of domestic violence in every culture. Each year
over 3 million to 4 million w omen are identified as survivors of abuse,
and many additional cases are going unreported. If you are involved in
an abusive situation or know of someone who is, please continue reading.ABUSE AND ABUSERS
Abuse can take place at many levels. It can include emotional abuse,
physical
abuse, economic abuse, or sexual abuse. It may involve threats,
intimidation, physical force, isolation, use of male privilege and
various other behaviors. The abuser’s main objective is to maintain
control over another person. Abusers/batters come from all social and
economic groups and have differing personality profiles. Following are
some characteristics they do have in common.
 | A batterer has low self-esteem.
Outwardly he may appear successful, but inwardly he feels powerless. |
| A batterer does not see women as
people, and does not respect them as a group. He looks at women as
sexual objects or property. |
| The batter blames his actions on
things outside himself—his partner, alcohol, a bad day at work, etc. |
| Many batterers exhibit extreme
jealousy and possessiveness, and exhibit verbal abusiveness and
cruelty to animals. |
VICTIMS OF ABUSE
Many people ask the question, “Why does a woman stay with someone who
is abusive?” The answer is not simple, and it typically involves a
complex series of reasons. Among them are:
| She fears that the batterer may
become even more violent if she tries to leave him and seriously harm
her and/or the children |
| Friends and family members may not
give her needed support |
| She fears being a single parent
with limited means of providing financial support for herself and the
children |
| She lacks information about and
access to safety and support systems in the community. |
PREDICTORS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE
| Abusers often grew up in violent
families and they themselves were abused as children. |
| Abusers tend to use force and
violence to “solve” problems. They get in fights, have quick tempers,
over-react to little problems and frustrations, exhibit cruelty to
animals, throw things when upset. |
| There is a strong link between
domestic abuse and over-use of alcohol and/or the taking of drugs |
| Abusers tend to have very
traditional ideas about the roles of men and women and feel a woman
should stay at home and follow the husband’s wishes and orders |
| Abusers often show jealousy over
their partner’s friends—both male and female. They want to keep watch
and know where the woman is all of the time. |
| Abusers often have access to
lethal weapons—guns, knives, etc. and talk about using them to “get
even” |
| Abusers expect women to follow
orders and advice. They can become angry if their partners do not
fulfill their wishes |
| Many batters/abusers go through
extreme emotional highs and lows, kind at one time and very cruel at
another. |
| Abusers/batters tend to treat
women roughly and use physical force to get them to submit to their
wishes. |
| Abusers incite fear in those
around them. The woman in the relationship finds that she is fearful
of her partner when he is angry, and a major part of her time is spent
in preventing another “blowup” |
GET HELP FOR ABUSIVE SITUATIONS
IMMEDIATE HELP
If there is a situation requiring immediate help call
911
You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233
PLAN FOR THE FUTURE
If you are still living in an abusive relationship:
| Think of a place you can go if an
argument occurs (avoid rooms with no exits) |
| Think about and make a list of
safe people to contact |
| Keep change with you at all times |
| Memorize all important phone
numbers |
| Establish a sign or code word so
family or friends know when to call for help |
| Think about what you will say to
your partner if he becomes violent |
| Always remember that you have a
right to live without fear and violence. |
If you have left an abusive partner and are severing the
relationship:
| Change your phone number. Screen
calls that come to you. |
| Save all documents, contacts,
messages, etc. which involve the abuser. |
| Change locks on doors, etc. |
| Avoid staying alone. |
| Should you be confronted by your
abuser, have a plan for getting away |
| If you meet your partner, do it in
a public place |
| Vary your routine |
| Notify work and school contacts |
| Call a shelter for battered women |
If you leave the relationship or are considering it, take important
papers and documents with you. This should include birth certificates
and social security cards for yourself and your children, marriage
license, deeds or leases, checkbook, change, bank and credit cards, bank
statements and charge account statements, insurance policies, proof of
income for yourself and your spouse (pay stubs, W-2’s, etc.) and any
documentation you may have of past abuse (photos, police reports,
medical records, etc.).
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