THINKING OF DIVORCE?

The Fixables are situations which are extremely painful and hurtful to a relationship, but with the sincere mutual effort of both partners, these situations can be overcome. Most frequently, to be “fixable”, the situations require counseling and help from outside resources.

Infidelity is one of the most damaging things that can take place in a marriage. Statistics vary, but estimates are that about 60% of men and 40% of women engage in an extramarital affair at some point in their marriage. The partner who has been betrayed typically feels an enormous surge of emotions—among them denial, anger , rejection, depression, etc. This is only normal—but even infidelity can be overcome if both parties are willing to work at improving the marriage.

Managing money is one thing most couples are least prepared to do well. Thanks to “easy credit”, debt can mount to the point where a family is overwhelmed. Prolonged financial struggles can seriously undermine the foundation of a loving relationship.

Some people feel that sex in marriage must always recapture that “first time feeling” over and over. That is not the way it is. The sexual aspect of a successful relationship will change and grow, ebb and tide over the years. It is much more satisfying to adjust, repair and rebuild the sexual relationship with your partner than it is to go out and seek the “first time feeling” over and over again with others.

Perhaps we are too comfortable with life in our affluent society. We lack challenges and prefer to live on “auto pilot” instead of seeking new adventures, activities and ways of doing things—including in our marriages. Boredom in marriage can be overcome, but only with determination.

No one deserves to be abused physically or emotionally, and no one needs to remain in an abusive relationship. Resources are available to help you. For the sake of yourself and any children, it is important to move out of the relationship. Call the phone number shown on the next page if you are seeking advice or help in this regard.

A person who is severely abusing alcohol or drugs, and is not open to changing his/her lifestyle, may be beyond your ability to deal with. Get professional help and advice on how to handle your situation.

Several alternatives are open to you—divorce with an attorney handling your case, arbitration and a “do-it-yourself divorce”.

The divorce process is physically and emotionally draining, one of the most difficult experiences a person can have. Throughout the process, it is important for you to maintain physical and emotional health —even though you may feel like withdrawing and giving in to exhaustion and depression. Eat properly, get exercise and seek the support of family, friends and associates. Maintain contacts with your social clubs, church or other support groups. Above all, remember to talk to a licensed counselor if you need to get professional assistance.

Throughout the difficult divorce process you must do whatever you can to minimize the impact of the divorce on your children. Your kids have the right to love and respect both of their parents. Even though you may want to have that other person out of your life forever, it won’t happen if there are children involved. You must be an adult enough to work towards a peaceful and cooperative relationship that makes for the best possible environment for your children.